Act like you belong.

     For as far back as I can remember, I've been active in the theatre.  I was always game to participate in the skits or holiday musicals in church and school.  I played Clifford the dog in my kindergarten graduation.  I was "Blunder" Watson in a horribly cheesy Christmas themed Sherlock Holmes spoof.  I was Tex the singing cowboy, Josiah the young Biblical king (twice, actually) and a talking donkey.  I liked doing it and found early on that I had a knack for it.  I continued on through high school getting involved in several local youth and community theatres, did shows throughout college and even worked professionally for several years.  I like theatre.  It's fun.  It's a good outlet.  It's worthwhile. 

    In recent years I've turned my attention to directing.  Directing calls on a lot of the same skills, but even so, it's a whole new ball game.  I thought for sure I would miss being on stage, that when it came time for the show I'd feel depressed sitting in the dark on the side lines while the cast takes center stage.  I was completely wrong.  I actually think I enjoy directing more than acting.  (I doubt I could ever choose definitively.)  I take more pride and satisfaction in the finished product, due in part to the fact that I'm extremely critical of my own acting.  When it's me, I rethink everything and nitpick for years.  With my actors on stage I can just sit back and enjoy.  (Though truth be told, I always find one or two things that I wish I'd had them do differently.)

   Back in my golden years of acting I'd do 2 or 3 plays a year.  I realized in the 9 years I've lived in New York I'd only done 4 total.  I didn't want my acting talents to grow stale or my lack of recent on-stage credits to have a negative impact on my directing so I decided it was time to get back in the saddle again.  I did two shows back-to-back and it was intersting because I found I wasn't able to just sit back and soak up the experience like I used to.  While I enjoyed the challenge of becoming an actor again, I couldn't quite shake the director mind set.  I realized that even though the various aspects of the production weren't my responsibilty, I still thought about them. I got in the way of my own enjoyment, a habit I hope I can shake.  In the end, the good with the bad, it was nice to be back on stage again.  It was exciting and worthwhile.  I learned things.  I gained new insights.  I remembered things I'd forgotten.

     I think the most valuable realization I've had in recent years is that the director sets the tone.  As an actor, that's a concept that I may have known but wouldn't been able to put into words.  As a director I may have thought that, but not truly understood the importance of it.  As both, I see that a truly good final product takes a collaboration of intentional and thorough directing combined with skillful and committed acting.  And when I say truly good, I mean intelligent and thought-provokingly good.  If the goal is to make people laugh or even just enjoy themselves that's something different.  You can do that with relatively little thought.  Banana peels come in all shapes and sizes.

   I've been in a lot of different type of productions and worked with a variety of lousy directors; kind-souled artists, ham-fisted tyrants, melodramatic hot messes and every other stereotype out there.  It takes the joy out of the whole process.  Luckily, along the way I've had a lot of good directors too; those that challenged me and  guided me, those that gave me the freedom to explore but knew when to pull the rope taut.  The director sets the tone and that's a responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly.  Theatre can be a powerful tool; one that needs a steady hand to weild.  It has taught me much over the years.  My experiences, whether positive or negative, have been beneficial and I wouldn't change them even if I could.  I plan to continue to act and direct and I hope to continue to learn and grow as well.  I can't imagine stopping.