Every time I'm gearing up to do a play, one thought runs over and over in my mind: I don't want to do this. It's taxing, it's complicated, it's time consuming, it's a pain. It would be nice if I could say that once the show starts I don't feel that way, that I am swept away in the magic of theater - but that's not really true. My feeling of not wanting to do it continues throughout the run, any time I'm not currently in rehearsal, working on the set or watching the finished product. When I'm actively working on the show, I love doing it. It's exciting. It's good old-fashioned fun. So why don't I remember that when I'm not doing it? I have no idea.
I'm currently directing my 16th show (Wise Women with The Valley Theatre), and I've felt this way basically every time. I guess that's due, in part, to my pessimistic nature. I can't fathom the idea that I might actually enjoy myself, despite all of the evidence to the contrary. It's a really attractive quality of mine. I remember and forget how much I enjoy it with each rehearsal, and by the end all is well because I'm happy that I did it. So basically all of the complaining is just a big waste of time and energy for me. I think it's probably my wife who suffers the most from this phenomena, because she's had to endure a conversation like this one at least a dozen times:
Me: I don't know why I do this. I hate it.
Her: No you don't. You enjoy it. You find it fulfilling.
Me: You don't know.
Her: Trust me.
Me: Seriously, this will be the last show I do.
Her: No it won't. You say that everytime.
Me: I don't think I do.
Her: You do.
Me. Well, whatever. I don't like it. It's dumb.
Her: You're wrong. Whenever you come home from rehearsal you are all energized and talking about how much fun all had.
And so on... (At this point I usually fake a headache or starting singing showtunes to change the subject.) What it comes down to is that I hate directing plays, it's draining, and this will probably be my last one.
So, in conclusion. I love directing plays. It's fulfilling in a way nothing else is. I'll never stop doing it. And you should come see Wise Women next weekend (12/13&14) because it's a great show and we've had a ball doing it. I'm just a whiny-pants.
Wise Women '13!
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